Strawberry CupCake

Rumor has it.

2012-02-01T12:29:00.004+08:00

She, is half your age,
But I'm guessing that's the reason that you strayed,
I heard you've been missing me,
You've been telling people things you shouldn't be,
Like when we creep out and she ain't around,
Haven't you heard the rumours?

Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds,
You made a fool out of me,
And, boy, you're bringing me down,
You made my heart melt, yet I'm cold to the core,
But rumour has it I'm the one you're leaving her for,

((:

2012

2012-01-25T12:28:00.001+08:00

So January is about to come to an end, sayyy in another 5 more days?
Let me just recall everything that happen since 1rst January 2012.

It's funny the way we welcome a brand new year, when I meant we, bf and me to be specific. We decide to watch the countdown on channel 5 together. But I doze of 4 hours before the clock strikes 12. What a pig.
So the next morning, we head down to westcoast Macdies and had our first 2012 meal apart from the Instant noodle i tried to eat at 3am of which the bf ended up eating it at 8am.

Then we had 2 weddings to attend on the same day. A colleague and a best friend.
Despite the lethargic, shagg feeling we both had, Bf endured and stood by me all the way. What's important, I get to meet all my bestfriends! and Ex Mates. The best way to start my 2012!

Unlike the past few years, the boys have been talking about bikes, this year I hear conversation about cars, and the girls, well, we use to talk about how many boyfriends and 'scandals' we had, this time, the topic was=marriage.How we have grown...
Up next was Karaoke with them and then home sweet home.
Total hours spend with bf = 28hours, end result=bloodshot eyes.

A relationship won't work if both of the person in it never appreciate each other for loving each other.

10-11-12, insyallah ((:

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-30T09:34:00.000+08:00

How I spend my 2011 you asked?
Here's how...

You know how rough 2010 has been in terms off my relationships. All the different guys I messed around with. Well that includes Hafiz. But when I almost gave up on this love-hate relationship, he just prove me otherwise.
Bali trip with bestie. Just the 2 of us. Shopping paradise!
First overseas trip with bf, BATAM (-.-) haha.
Second Overseas trip wit bf, Genting to celebrate our 7th monthsary. It was a triple date with bro and he's friend.
Countless doubledates with Alisa and Adam.

USS Halloween
Ice skating
Heritage Museum
Cycling at ECP
Countless Charcos
Keppel Bay
Marina barrage
etc!

Holiday to KL with sissy.
Countless shopping spree with mummy
JB trip with family and bf to have steamboat.
Best 21st Birthday bash planned by boyfriend ever!!!!
First Kate Spade bag owned, gift by boyfriend ((:
Countless of flowers given my boyfriend.
Zoo trip with my babies and boyfriend
Hospitalized due to a head injury.
First police report with boyfriend (i swear it's gonna be the last)
Countless weekends of hiking with colleagues, alisa, adam and boyfriend
First Raya with boyfriend officially as a couple. 2010 we were just "friends" when we celebrate Raya together with my friends and family.
First TLS night trip with bf.
Boyfriend got the job he always wanted! Alhamdullilah
Boyfriend birthday bash

Surprise birthday dinner with he's friend
Duck tour ride
Singapore flyers
and he's very own IP4((:

Kampung trip with boyfriend and colleagues.
3 days 2 night staycation at Marina Bay Sands with Sister
Increment! Alhamdullilah!
I can go on forever...etc!!

Leaving the bitter sweet memory behind and looking forward to a brand new year.
Insyallah 2012 will be a much better year for all off us. Amin.

Reservist

2011-12-13T12:13:00.000+08:00

when i saw you, I fell in love,
and you smiled, because you knew.

I miss you like crazy. Reservist sux.

2011-11-22T12:15:00.001+08:00

Seeing the stats on the number off views to this POST , i'm extremely curious why there are over 150 views.

Any significant effects to the viewers? or do you kinda 'feel' me?

Victory

2011-11-18T10:28:00.001+08:00

I just realize there are over 400 viewers who viewed my blog last month. and over 140 view on a specific post in september. hmmm...Seriously? You guys are still following my pathetic blog? haha
But anyway thank you for showing your interest to my dull yet colorful life.

Now let me share you an inspiring story.
I've know this boy for almost 1 and a half year now. There was instant connection when I first saw you.
Back then you were a young, immature, little child. All you wanted was having fun, playing COD.(don't get me start on black shot -.- )
But I see lot of potential in you, you always gives your 101% in everything you do, be it a good thing or a bad thing.
Remember your first job after your ORD? You don't?
Give me the honour to remind you, CJGLS? rings a bell?
Look at that pic? I still see a young boy, trying to get his hands on to reality. Still that mischevious child wanting to fool around yet work to earn bucks.

I guess fooling around will only lead you to nowhere, hence the need to change off career. Then you decide to join venture with your cousin and open a comunity related business. You had to work night shift everyday and we had to sacrifice alot during that period. Once you end work, I'll be on my way to work, but you made an effort to bring me breakfast every morning without fail right to my doorstep before you head off for your beauty sleep. and when I'm done with work, you will come down and meet me for an hour or lesser before you set off to work. but we made it through for 3 months?

You had troubles living that kind of life, with an unstable income which had it's rise and falls, you decide to look further. Then you met your current job. No journey is ever smooth sailing, it will have its rise and fall on and off. You had a couple off giving up episodes. The courses you took was too difficult, you had a hard time in communication, you had a hard time recalling things. And remember you intended to fail the test so that you can dropout of the course? But i guess HE saw your potential and we all know you will never disappoint us, so you gave your best shot, perservered throughout and 6 months later, all smiles are for you.

15th November 2011, you made it through the whole journey, nobody thought you could. Some even say they vow to become a president if you made it. And alhamdullilah, thanks to allah, you did it. My boy right here is officially a certified QDI. An STK instructor which caters to army boys.

So what if you are under qualified or over qualified, all you need is a goal.
If it matters so much to you, work towards it, perservere, the will to want something must be there, because without it, whatever you do wont make sense.
What I'm trying to convey here is, this boy changes alot. It was quite drastic because the boy i knew a year and half ago, is nothing compared to the man he is now. Maybe age is catching up with him, but I'm just proud off him for achieving whatever he is currently.

And as a girlfriend, just be there with them when they are down, when they need you, study with them so it motivates them too, tell them you are proud off them no matter how big or small their success is, be their friend, their bestfriend, their sister, their mother, their girlfriend. Because behind every man's success is a woman.

Once again, I love you Executive officer Noor Hafiz Bin Abdul Aziz. xoxo

Asian Civilisation Museum

2011-11-14T12:05:00.003+08:00

This is a long due post. Too busy with work & school that I only rely on Sundays for my social life.
I've never been to HnM, and that sunday, we had no plans so why not take a quick visit there. Hence the triple date, the rest was on the spot planning.
I recall a scene at town where Adam challenged Hafiz into shooting a pearl into he's throat from a distance, guess what, it went in! Which is horrifyingly disgusting to me but equally humorous.
And during dinner at Charcos, the girl's bagan talking about the car CEO's, it took us quite sometime to realize it's COE's not CEO's.
One thing good that came out being in a relationship with Hafiz, means knowing this crazy bunch off girls. <3

USS Halloween Horror 2011

2011-11-01T08:51:00.009+08:00

It all started with Alisa's friends having to bought the USS Halloween horror tix on the wrong date. So he/she sold 4 tix to us at a discounted price!
Sayang was super excited for the event. That we took leave on the day itself and went shopping for new clothes and some props. Actually, he went shopping, I was being the critic. Spend almost an hour, trying on different mask, he finally made a decision on one.
Bought some new clothes and then We crashed at Adam's, where both lovebirds are still sleeping.
The day before Alisa and me bought the same wings, just for the perks of it. We decide to dress in white since our wings are white and the boys had white mask on.
Left home, hoping, praying, crossing our fingers that it won't rain that afternoon. Since it's the monsoon season and we were riding. Imagine getting all drench (major turnoff). But the sun was up and shinning so brightly (yeay!)
Reached USS as early as 530pm, where the event only starts at 8pm. (See how super excited we were!).
So while waiting, we took a stroll into Sentosa, had a sneak peak off how Sentosa's spooktacular would look like.

and we took the skytowers, credits to Alisa! (notice syg's face? haha)
We started queueing at 730pm, the queue was massive. Approximately 1300 people turned up. The press were there.
and once the gate was open, everybody started running in! Omg! We totally did not expect such enthusiasm in this people, so we totally did the same thing and ran in! hahah
Once we were in, we were the first few to ride the Human, The Mummy and Cyclon(Twice!)
Pictures captured on screen was epic! and Syg had to sit in the middle because he's more than 1.85!

We met some cool mummy's

That (above), made me scream like a crazy woman, her head was resting on my shoulders, and imagine when you look to your left and saw that kind off expression looking at you!

That's the queue to the haunted house. Nevertheless, it's worth the wait!

I hate clowns.

So we ended the day with supper at Mac Donalds, our tummy were practically grumbling.
It was almost 2am, and I kept dozing off on the bike, syg had to grab my hand tightly and ride super fast. 10 mins from Vivo to woodlands? Sorry!

2011-10-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

I dont think feelings change, nor people, I think situations do.
I know that it's possible to dislike someone after loving them so much or to love someone after feeling so much hate towards them but,
it's not because people change, it's because it's not the same.
It's because something made you think differently, something opened your eyes.
Something caused you to see everything the way it is at last. It's like days.
Days can be cloudy, or days can be sunny. Days don't change, the weather does.
And nothing can play part in that or fix it, they can just let it be.

So I hope you understand how/what I feel.
As much as I use to Love you, I feel nothing towards you now.
And as much as I use to hate him, I love him more than ever n0w.

Mindless thinking, if a person doesnt want to be with you, not even friends with you, why are you making a big issue out off it? Seriously? Get over the fact, nobody forced you to chase after him/her.
"tak tahu malu ke kau, terkejar kejar kan dier? kenape kau terhegeh hegeh, padahal dier dah tak nak kau, berkawan pun tak sudi, jangan malukan diri sendiri lah. orang satu kali pandang, orang tgk, kau murah, sebelum kau salahkan orang yang selalu sakitkan hati kau, kau tanyer diri kau, kenape kau selalu dapat orang macam gini. you want better? improve your self being first." - remember this? (:

I dont have to wear skimpy clothes, show off my cleavage, seek for attention, because god will send me a man who accepts me the way I'm naturally am
.

07.10.10

2011-10-14T12:25:00.004+08:00

A year ago.

We've gone thru' so much. Constantly I will keep calling you an asshole. But you are the only asshole that truly love & care about me.
Remember all the random outings we had?
The looooonnnggg talks, where usually you'll be the one talking, and I'll be the one looking elsewhere.
Just to clear the air, I do listen to you, I just find it rude to look someone in the eye. heh.
The midnight sneak out. Till 3 am in the morning, just chilling by the dam, or drive thru's.
The sleepovers I had occasionally at your house even when we were just friends.

I've had breakdowns.
Many off them.
I left you one time too many.
You came back every time.
I don't know why.
I don't see myself being love so deeply by someone else, I thought I'm imperfect in many ways.

But It's scary the way nobody stays together anymore...............

October

2011-10-03T15:28:00.004+08:00

Even when I've pushed you away countless time, you were still there by my side, making sure everything will be alright.
How could I say goodbye?
)':

I’m strong enough, I’ve always told myself ,I never want to need somebody else
But I’ve already fallen from that hill,So I’m droppin my guard,
Here’s your chance at my heart...

September

2011-09-22T11:31:00.003+08:00

its amazing how much things can change within a year.

Someone once told me that the power in all relationship lies with whoever care less, and he was right. But power isnt happiness, and i think maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather then less.

September....
Worst month of the year.
From Hafiz getting into an accident, me getting admitted weeks after, work getting more demanding, etc.
But let' be fair, we had tons off fun too, those open houses every week, to hafiz's brother and lil sister birthday, to daddy's birthday etc.

Ride safely boys, seeing you suffer for almost 3 weeks now just breaks my heart at times, what more knowing you are back on the road. Part off me wants you to stop riding, but off course, you needed it for work purposes, ride safely please.

Those minutes when i'm alone, just me and my pillow. or memek:P.
I think. A lot.
I think about everything, anything. It varies from "what am I doing with my life?" to "Have I done my assignment?"
The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up things I rather never think about again.
The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life :/

I mean I'm not getting any younger, ok Im 21, stillllllll? Enough off enjoyment and sins that Ive done. Of course, once in our life, we should give a try on everything.
Stealing?
Running away?
Skipped school?
Smoking?
Drinking?
Clubbing?
blearghh, been there done that.
At least when I become a parent one day, I know what kids nowadays are up too.
I've change, not only from the outside but mainly from the inside, but maybe I'm not perfect, well who is? What's important I'm doing my best.
People might still criticize my life, well, its an open world, the freedom off speech, I've no rights to stop them right?
I've disregard my own friends just so I can lead a new life. Well, should I say 50% off my friends are gone.
No, I'm not regretting. Fact is I'm done with my old life.
End off Volume 1
Now it's the stage where I'm mature enough to make a decision,that determines my future, not only that, heaven or hell.
And if you don't hear from me, maybe just maybe, you are part of my decision. (:
One thing for sure, I'm going to fight for what's mine.
And I'mma keep fighting, till I get it.
I'm determine, like that.
Good Night.

This crazy damn thing call 'EX'

2011-09-15T11:45:00.004+08:00

"Muke maner letak? Kenaper nak terhegeh hegeh dengan orang yang dah tak nak pandang kau pun?"-Remember this? I copied and paste this. ((:

Korang tag team ke?

It's not against our will or the force off each other that we insist on not having any forms off contact with you, but
we ourselve choose not too.

get over it.

Dah migrate kan? BAGUS.
Duduk saner diam diam.

Kenaper susah sangat?

Your actions are the reason we are together,
you want us to leave and now you want us to come back?
Contradicting...

The moment people found out that you are emotionally involve with someone, they do anything to interfere, but where were you before that?
No woman/man can take someone so dear from you unless he/she is willing to leave.
Before you tell us how to live our life, look at yourself, you aren't perfect either.

Weight management

2011-09-15T10:35:00.006+08:00

Bali Holiday with Girlfriend for 3 days 2 night, was only 51kg at this point off time! OMG!
December last year hallooo!
Staycation at Marina Bay Sands Hotel for 3 days 2 Night. Seeeeeee, slim legs! and Thighs!
Early this year :/
Genting trip with boyfriend. 3 days 2 night. Still not bad kan!
Look at me now! just 4-6 months and my thighs are huge, my butt's saggy, arm 'robbery' and my hips! dah macam mak janda!

)):
What happen?!

Yes sayang I gembira tapi orang gembira kene gemok ke!!!!
*faints*

I'm officially 5 kg overweight.
before the port dickson trip with boyfriend this December I wanna lose that bloody5 kg.

Brother,

2011-09-10T10:04:00.004+08:00

Remember those days when I desperately in need off someone to turn too, and no one was around, then you came.
When I was on my study table crying and mummy wanted to know why, you tried covering me up and told mummy everything was fine.
When I was 16th and broke up with my ex boyfriend, and you were in a rush to go to work, but you sat down and listen to me whine about my luck.
When I badly wanted to watch high school musical 3 and no one wanted to watch this 'inmature' movie with me, you ditch football match and came down to cathay to watch it with me.
When I was late for my first day off work, and you just came back from your night shift and insist on sending me to work, though we were still late, because you lost your way.
When I was beaten up and you wanted to go to he's place and kill him.
When I had no money to watch this bollywood movie with my friend and you transfered it to my bank account.
When I was soo tired after a long day at Vivo and you came over driving illegally to pick me up.
When you finally get out off jail, you hug me tightly and I cried like a little girl.
When you came randomly to my workplace just to give me money, gong cha and chocolate waffle.
When I was roaming around suntec with shanel, and you came over.

I miss those moments.
I hope you realize, you still have a family, never mind me, your mother miss you the most.

"Dah penat ku berjiwang. Ku mamah di tangan suratan. Lenyap bersama harapan."

Awesome August

2011-09-02T10:14:00.004+08:00

Now lets analyze the picture on top.... Yes I turn 21!!
*cries*
It all started with a simple, "sayang, I tak dapat ikan pari I :'("
So that Sunday on the 27th August, exactly 4 days before my birthday, and 3 days before we celebrate the month of Syawal, I was spring cleaning the house, baking cookies with mummy, and the initial plan was to break-fast with syg, at changi.
I was all ready to meet him, but he was queerly late, an hour late to be exact, "lap dapur"-I settled with that excused.
He drove that day, we took our time to reach the makan place, the prayer chant has already been played, we are still in the car, "waiting for the place to call"-I settled with that excused.
Then we took a strolled at ECP while "waiting for the place to call".
Seconds after, a familiar voice with a familiar snort, shouted "Happy Birthday", and a group of people just appeared behind a huge tree, with a lighted cake.
Pink love balloons, pink table mat, pink plates, pink utensils, pink hand bracelet and the girls in pink, the decor just made me squeal! *fans myself*
To my favorite girls, thank you for everything.
Specially to you Alisa, my beautiful girl, you've been an angel to Hafiz and me. Love ya babe!
Jannah & Syawal, thank you for the presents, it's in pink!!!!! Thank you Jannah for the home cooked food. Love ya babe!To the couple, whom we can always count on, whom we grew up with, whom anniversary is only 3 days away from us, thank you for putting up all this and big thanks to the sexy presents. Never had one, will try to get use to wearing it. heee
Last but not least, to the boy who planned all this, from the pink decors, to the cake, to the setups, to the place, to the food, only god knows how much I love you, and how blessed I am to have you by my side. Thank you for the surprise, for the barbeque, pink theme birthday, for the ikan pari specially barbequed for me. Everything you did just amaze me. All the lies you told during this process to keep me under the hood, well, I'm closing one eyes, because this is the most sweetest presents I had from a boyfriend. And yes not forgetting, thank you for the KATE SPADE bag and KATE SPADE Iphone casing. *faints* *kisses*
To everybody who came, who's name not mention, who's pictures not in my blog, thank you so much for being there, for celebrating my 21st together with me. I'm kinda loss of words.
The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, to kiss your forehead, and to be around you. Who wants to call you at night, to see you smile. But whats better than that is finding someone that does it all, because he wants to see you happy. Noor Hafiz, I'm blessed to have you. (':

Message delivered ((:

2011-08-26T09:18:00.010+08:00

"I'm sorry, did my words hurt your back? alot? Well that's the harsh realization off reality my dear. I'm not here to bring you down, I'm here to wake you up. Look at where you are standing right now. Happy with your life now? Good. Move on then. Why stick around? You gain nothing here."

Dear YOU (all 4 off you),

Yes I know you are reading this.

My point for writing that previous post?
Well,
You were angry right?
You think what I wrote was contradicting?
You want to stand up for your right?
I guess, message delivered than.
Because that's exactly what you all put me through in the past.
I'm just waiting for that moment when I'm strong enough to let you have a taste off your own medicine off what I felt, when you said/do shits to me.

Maman, as much as I want to meet you and settle everything right at your face, I've got my boyfriend's feelings to take care off.
All your blog post effect me not a bit. Really.
But it took me 1 blog post and it hurt not only you but many.
That's not revenge, that's the truth honey.

A little girl seek revenge, but a real woman, let GOD do the work.

And to you my girl, "say it to me directly", I wish you said those words to yourself when you updated you FB status criticising my way of living, saying that I don't act the way I dress etc. (: You told me let god judge you, that post in your FB might be the past, but didn't you judge me?
I kept quiet ((:
But fred not, I know you are reading my blog, Right now, I'm just showing you the reverse physcology of life, in other words, I'm being you. ((:

Some kind off pleasure getting all the attention on the net I assume?
Reflections.

Lesson Learnt:
Treasure your love's ones, because regrettion comes only after they decides to leave.
Here's an amazing fact, you learnt more by making mistakes then you can by making prefect decision.

Let bygones be bygones. This holy month of ramadhan with syawal on its way, lets forgive and forget. Thats right, what's the point off forgiving but not forgetting? Why have revenge in your soul? Satisfaction you say? Really? What kind off satisfaction?

I wish you all the best for you future endeavour.
Sincerely, I really want to see all off you grow up be successful people, contributing to the world. Who doesn't want to see their fellow muslim brothers & sisters have success stories, years down the road. That's right as much as how I used to hate all off you last time, I've decided that you guys made who I am today. We are humans, we make mistakes, we forgive, we learnt from it, we move on. Don't Islam thought us that?

Lots off Love Nisa.

FYI: Nobody steal anybody's partner. We knew each other when we were single we had each other when we were single too. Just to clear the air Idzzy

SELAMAT HARI RAYA & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN TO ALL

an amateur post, since I'm over the rainbow

2011-08-22T23:47:00.011+08:00

Just got home, sayang fetched me from school.

I'm blogging again, because I practically can't put myself to sleep.
So sayang, if you were to read this, hehehe, i can't sleep ):

Shall I repeat this again, my Love pampers me so much!
every time I asked him for something, he would give me more than what I asked for.
Take for example,
when I wanted to go on a holiday to Genting, he paid for it!
when I was craving for stingray, he dig he's fridge to find one, but to no avail, still, the thoughts that count,
then I heard rumors, he's paying for my airplane tickets to Canada next year, is it? hehheheheheheheheheheheh, was kidding sayang
and today, I wanted a pink ribbon on my helmet, and he bought me 3 types!
You think that was nothing? I wanted him to put a pink ribbon too on he's helmet, and he said, "Anything for you sayang.." melts, and a pink butterfly on he's box too.
I LOVE YOU!

that's the same boy I fall for a year ago. that same boy, is who I am in love with now, and more as days pass by. That same boy who impressed my family with he's gesture. Take for example, sending some medicine to my mum while I'm at work. How can I not be proud off my man?

I'm glad.

I'm glad it was raining that day and you were at your brother's place, I'm glad I was on leave that Friday afternoon, and was randomly online. I'm glad you came down and we sat and talk as if we knew each other for a very long time. I'm glad we manage to click and became best friends. Remember the journey? You were there for me throughout my break ups and physical abuse from my ex boyfriend, while I was there for you throughout your break ups and the verbal abuse from your ex girlfriend. I've got to thank 2 very important individual that made this all work out perfectly between Hafiz and me,

Here goes.

Sincerely, to you Idzzy, thank you for showing me the kind off guy you are. It took me 3 years to finally gave you up and moved on with life. You made me give up. Those physical abuse you put me through, in school, in front off my lecturer, in the shopping centre, at work, I'm laughing at myself while I'm typing this. If you hadn't threatened to beat me up, stalking me wherever I go, sending hurtful messages to Hafiz, bringing me out at wee hours, asking your friends and girlfriend to stalk me, keeping me informed on who Hafiz has been meeting behind my back, though I never did asked you to do that, then Hafiz would'nt have cared this much about me. And I wouldn't have come to a realization what a caring and amazing person he really is. But seriously thank you! If you hadn't done that, I would have not met someone way better than you. ((:

Sincerely to you Zak, thank you for letting him go, they say a woman's trash might just be another woman's treasure, and yes, he's my precious little boy right now. If you hadn't stick with him while I was in a relationship with him, I don't think our love would have been this strong now. If you hadn't been hacking our FB, I don't think we would have each other account password right now. If you hadn't send me that long FB msg the day I went to Batam with him, I don't think he'll realize he's mistakes and stop whatever he did. If you had'nt stop interfering our relationship, I don't think he will do anything to protect this relationship. All in all, you played a HUGE part in our life, he changed because he realized he's mistake. And he's mistake was you. So thank you.

Some boy just don't know how to take Care off a good girl, while some girl misjudge a bad man.

All in all, my man is a better man. All those sacrifices you made, physically, emotionally, mentally, trying to give in to all off my demands, trying to make me happy, I can't thank you enough Hafiz, you are the best damn thing that have ever happen in my life. I love you. I promised I will change, you did your part, now it's my turn. Let them say whatever they want to say. Whatever happened in the past, wasnt Karma, in fact it was Fate. Thank you Allah.

Good Night My Love

love like this.

2011-08-22T12:05:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, you don't want to know the truth. You may think that you do, but once you know, you'd give about anything to go back to being ignorant.

Let me begin with, Syawal is 8 days away. Alhamdullilah we made it this far, hopefully our iman and faith to Allah don't just happen in this holy month but continues throughout our whole life.
Insyallah.

Preparation for Raya? I've done nuts yet. Planning to go Geylang with boyfriend this weekend. Last kopek off hunting for he's baju raya and maybe some accessories for me.

Speaking off boyfriend, I LOVE HIM.
This month has thought me lots off lesson.
It isn't fair that he have change to be a better man because off me, but on the other hand, my attitude towards him, well, worsen. I'm sorry.
I'm just tensed up with my job, school and having more time to spend with you. Though I sometimes 'pentingkan tido' hehe, but I'm blessed to have a very very very patient, understanding boyfriend who's willing to sacrifice anything for me. right sayang? Ermm Mazda? Wish? Landed? Hee. <3 you!

Yes sayang, I'm publicly saying this, though I did said this to you, I'm sorry for treating you that way, I was just getting use to my new cycle off life. I'm learning to appreciate your presence in my life more. You did your best in our relationship, in fact more than I expect you to be, and I'm proud off you *pats you, pinch you cheeks*.

Thank you for everything. Those hungry nights I have, and you came down in wee hours to send me food, fetching me from school without fail, even though "mata u koyak" already. Pulling me closer when I kept pushing you away. Being there near my vicinity without me knowing, ensuring I reach home safely and reminding me to close the door. Lot's more than I can go on till forever.

You've grown up. Yes you are still my little boy, but your thoughts are different now, you are starting to think maturely like a grown adult, you don't take violence as a solution, you talk it out. Look sayang, you've done your part, now I'm doing mine. You have feelings too, and I fail to take care off it, now I will and I'll prove to you, that I Love you as much as you Love me((':

Remember you said this out loud, on 9th August 2011, approximately 12 am in front out Syawal, Khai, Adam, Lisa, Ziema, Jannah and yours truly, "Aku tak akan call, msg, jumper, contact pun dengan ex aku.(Zak)", that small speech, took me by surprise, and I'm holding on to that.

Now hold on to my promises, "I'll change for us, for me, I'll never have any forms off contact with Zi or Acit or Helmi or Wan, simply said, any other guys, Like how you want a clean relationship, well so do I, mark my words, I had enough off your past and my past hunting us, I want you and no one else."

Insyallah in 3 years to come. Insyallah.

i love you noor hafiz abdul aziz.

2011-08-19T15:31:00.003+08:00

Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I dont have any feelings or emotions? I'm not in a good mood, or a bad mood.

I just sit there, by myself, and think.

I overthink sometimes.
I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happend.
I think about you,
I think about what's wrong in my life,
I think about how I can get myself out of this stage.
I think about why I got here in the first place.
I think about everything and anything.

Sometimes, It's not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It's about the ride for god sake. There is no point going through all this crap, if your are not going to enjoy the ride. And you know what when you least expect something great might come along. Something better then you ever planned for.

))':

2011-08-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

This must have been the umpteen times I have said all these following words. Countless times. I am so mentally tired, and all I can pathetically do is cry. And cry even more.

Hi, stop bringing back my past mistakes, please. Just leave it alone, I'm not so strong as you think I am. What else can I say? Just because I used to be who I was, doesn't mean I am the same person right here. Sometimes I wish I could just give everything up and not give a fucking care about the world. Do you even know why such words hurt me? Because you people won't leave what's in the past alone.

Maybe that's true - the future is the past with the lights on. I can't escape from it, can't I? Because it made me who I was, who I am right now.

Oh that's the problem. Just, let it go. But you're judging. I shouldn't care, but I can't help but to care. Because it's me you're talking about. It's me and I have every rights to not do this. What player? I god damn know I wasn't. Playing games yes. But honestly, I don't fucking care. I stopped, so that's the end right? Oh well how I wish.

Sometimes I don't know if the person I am right now is what I actually want. Maybe just maybe ..... sigh. I can't say anything much here also. I shall just keep it to myself. Or bury it somewhere nobody knows.

Whatever, really.

I just dont know if I can do it anymore, get close to somebody so they can leave again.

2011-08-05T15:41:00.002+08:00

I remember a figment of my memories yesterday. It's like a performance, they played (or should I say replay?) well. Everyone clapped, because the hard work was being recognized. It actually......... felt happy. But deep inside, there lay a fragment of fear inside. Why are you risking yourself? Is it worth it, are you sure this is hopeful? I always believe, a happy girl is a pretty girl. So I choose to be happy. And that's how I've always been. But there's something missing underneath all these thoughts. What is it? I don't know either. I'm still on my way to finding it, and may I find it wherever it is.

On my way to finding it, I've stumbled and fall. I've changed, for the better or even for the worse. I've done a lot of bad things, that I know jolly well.
I've stopped playing games when I realised, karma is not the answer. It actually pains me... and in case anyone that hates me is reading this, don't bother wishing karma or retribution will fall on me. It happened already, yes the past. I'm fine on my own, people don't seem to realize that, unfortunately.

Thoughts are spinning in my mind, but I'm starting to see the clear skies.
I have a lot of things to say to different people, but I'll start slowly.

To you, whom you deleted from your life / twitter / facebook / any social platforms,
thank you for being a part of me, a part of my past. I missed you, yes missed. I no longer do. I'm sure you missed me too, but well? What happened between us, is a part of me, I'm thankful for that. And I hope you mend your ways soon, I'm not an angel or even close to that to say that but I really do hope so, and hope that you read this. That I will always have you in my prayers :)

To you, whom keep on hovering in and out of my life out of love or hate, yes you girl,
thanks for being a 'friend', a part of me too. A part of my past. I cannot thank you enough. "Rolls Eyes"

To every of my other friends, the ones whom I had fun with, the ones whom I cried to, the ones whom turned their backs on me, still thank you. Unconsciously, I'm sure you guys have changed me and who I am, if not for every little drama and acts, I won't be who I am right now, yes? Or neither would I be here.

To the only boy who i can't get enough off, who keeps me sane enough to see things from a different perspective, the boy who tries to make me believe that happiness is not to be taken for granted at any times, the boy who gave me love more than I could have ever imagine, the boy who stand by me despite the giving up episodes I always have, the boy who keep up with my swings, the boy who kneel down everytime we fought even though you was right, the boy who keeps my mind occupied all day long, I think it must have been fate that we crossed each other's life. Yes, you. We may have had fights in our relationship but I will never forget the words and advices you said to me in the silent nights where we pondered where we were and what we're doing in this selfish world. Thank you, for being here. And staying forever <3 you are my everything.

I think this is the stage where I finally lay out my plans for the future. Everything's fine now, and seemingly perfect though I know perfection is a flaw itself. But my flaws.. they're here. I don't want to hide them anymore. Should anyone find me the way I am, that's the way I'm going to be and that's the way I will be.

xoxo

losing it

2011-07-14T17:22:00.002+08:00

I seek only your hand out of 6 billion people, and a universe.
You mean something to me.

I know you dont want it to matter right now. That's why it matters the most.

I gave you the words of a child. I gave you the words of relevance. I gave you vagues paragraphs and you interpret them to your own liking. If I gave you the words of a lover, could you just listen?

I am tired. So I don't think I can be that girl, anymore. This time, I am almost as sure as the cold that creeps beneath the graying singlet I am wearing. It is no longer on thin ice, but out in the cold; this truth.

Why let it lingeerrrrr whyyyy whyy whhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy -.-

Don't talk to me about love, I know my heart, you don't. Those who I've loves genuinely knows I did. Those who didnt, forgot the existence of the 'love'. Which did you fall into? You would know.

Hahahahahah. Kenz....

2011-06-30T10:33:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I trusted my intuition to find things out and indeed I found out things which were totally revolting and disgusting. Honestly it puts me off entirely.

Nothing's ever safe anymore, that's one thing fo' sure. Its really childish and stupid to say such things when the matter of fact is when all you could do is wallow yourself in self-pity and never-ending sadness, which absolutely marks your existence. No, it's of no use no matter what you're trying to pull here.

Trust me, I could come up and give you a slap that you truly deserve but no, I'm not that mean, unlike you - wishing me all the bad things. Maybe you've forgot who I am? The more things you say, the more people are going to find out. But hey, is that all you could do? All talks and no actions? I could find you if I wanted to, but I try not to, because I'm not like you, I don't wish people dead, I don't wish people unhappiness just because they hurt me, I'm not as heartless as you, or selfish.

But one more wrong step you take, I will find you and make sure you regret saying all those things. People always say "save the best for the last" and yes, they are true, and you'll see why. Everyone will see why. You can put up a good show, but so can I.

Either you can continue this piece of shit of yours, or leave my sight. I'm not a dumb girl you can take for a ride, don't you dare forget that. Thanks for calling me a bitch because I will show you what a bitch does :)

And oh sweetheart, never trust the people around you completely. You'll never know when they will turn around and backstab you. Oh just saying of course ;) Even if so, walls have ears and I'm entitled to listen to whatever these walls wanna say to me. I'm not sorry for 'messing' with you, because I never did so, but now you did, so let's just enjoy the show yeah? ((:

Fate

2011-06-20T08:59:00.003+08:00

Maybe I need to care alot more.

I Never thought someone like you will like someone like me.
Just when I think things can't get any worse, they do. I've learned life is like an hour glass. Sooner or later everything has to hit rock bottom, but all I have to do is be patient and wait for someone to turn everything all around for me. Right?
Maybe cause I was afraid to be vulnerable and I was afraid of you and the way that you made me feel.
There are no rules when it comes to love. I just try to let love surprise me, because you never know who you're going to fall in love with. You never know who's going to come into you life and for me, when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don't think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I'm with them.
I gave up too soon. I was afraid. Afraid off the ending. Somehow, it seems like the a chapter off my life with Zi was on replay. Then again, I shoudnt compare. It's my mistake.
Maybe it's true, we dont know what we have until we've lost it,
But maybe it's also true that we don't know what we're missing until we find it.
Hafiz, the promises I made, you thought I will break them right?
Weellllllll, that was the initial plan, but I was brought up well, promises are not meant to be broken, I will keep them, if I would die trying then be it, because a man like you is rare.

Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me. )':
I will try. *pinky promise*

<3 You

PS: you were right, I was wrong. Oh my gucci, i just said those :P

Love actually

2011-06-15T10:41:00.002+08:00

It's not my intention to leave you hanging wondering what we are.

Unless you love someone, nothing else makes sense.

It's really the little things. Honestly, it counts so much.

But there's something about him that made me like him ever since the day I met him.

There was somthing about him that made me absolutely crazy

This Love

2011-06-10T09:16:00.004+08:00

The Meeting.
Remember how we first met, then the subsequent days. Then the different kind off people, then the surprises that keeps coming, then finally being together?

The Chase.
But it was not a happy start to our stories.
Remember what we went through trying to keep each other close?
All those trust broken? Then broken again and again and again?

The Honeymoon.
But we are different now right? We finally found the true meaning of love and we finally decide that we found that one person we are going to live with forever right?

The Comfortable
Now that we know both strength and weaknesses within thee self, I guess we can depend on each other now. Right?

The Tolerance
I can’t deny I’m a difficult, over-sensitive, egoistic individual that’s always giving you a hard time despite the changes you tried to proof to me. And I’m sorry.
Maybe here comes the stage where people called it the ‘tolerance’ stage. Or maybe it’s just me going through it and not you. I’m trying, trying my best to commit, trying my best to make us happy, and trying my best not to bring us down. But I guess my best wasn’t enough. People shouldn’t even try in a relationship right?
I don’t know hafiz. I don’t want to lose you neither do I want to force myself.
Clinging.
Well, it takes to hands two clap right?
I’m not referring to myself, let’s be fair, I’m ok with you knowing my every move, day and night, but sometimes, your reaction to my life may get to far off. Yes these are little misunderstandings in our relationship, but this little thing in life is what affecting us everyday.

The Breakup/The happy Ending
So what’s the ending to this crazy little thing call love?

One things for sure, I want a happy ending for you and me, what comes may.
I love you Noor Hafiz Abdul Aziz.

sex drive

2011-06-02T15:49:00.003+08:00

A lot of problems in the world will disappear if we talk to each other instead of about each other. So honey, get your facts right. Then again, rumors, well they speak for themselve((:

I mean, why should I bother right?

Oh, I'm sorry, Did my back hurt your knife? ((:

Girlfriend I know you are reading this, I mean, come one who doesnt? *snobbish look*
Seriously W? You had to spread rumors regarding me? Ohh dear what happen to your life? oops, I forget you don't have one!

I rather have someone who shows they care, than someone who just says it.
Now that's one reason why we stop meeting.

Ohh wow, you're really gonna fight me over the internet? What's the worst you can do, Caps lock my ass?

Well, life's to short to be spent on nagging and complaining about other people. Check yourself first.

Just because I'm always there for you, doesnt mean you can take me for granted. Maybe I am the youngest off them all, but you can't deny, your maturity level is nothing compared to mine. Read my words, NOTHING.

Have the guts and spit them to my face. Because I don't feel a shit when you typed those.

*hugs*

Kate Spade

2011-05-31T16:47:00.007+08:00

By 31st December 2011. I'm half way there! ((:

You are my life

2011-05-19T09:09:00.002+08:00

Listen to your heart

2011-05-19T08:35:00.003+08:00

Dear Z,

You want to know what makes me love him more than I loved you? It's because when you got me, I was perfectly unused. I was fearless, and a hopeless romantic. When He got me, I was bruised and battered. I was afraid of the world and cynical about love. And yet, he didn't leave

I'm begging you to leave us alone, because everytime you appear, I had flashbacks. My mind takes a U-turn. My body turns weak. My mood went away. My heart beats slowly.

Oh boy what have I got myself into.

U're the only exception

2011-04-29T09:45:00.006+08:00

"Thank you for everything dear, for the past. Sorry if I got hurt your feelings. Sorry cause I almost kill you. Deep in I regrett. Nisa, don't let boys take advantage of you. Zi tak tahu what you see in him. You said You learnt from your relationship with me, jgn kasi lelaki pijak kepala, he did that, bkn sekali tapi berkalikali, you still tak learnt anything? Ataupun you are seeking revenge like u did to me? Nisa, remember i told you I saw him with another girl dulu? Dier cakap ape? Tidak kan, after dat you dapat tahu dier mmg jumpe pompan tukan, kalau skrg Zi ckp, Zi nmpk dier dgn pompan lain, Nisa nak percaya ke tak? Tak malu ke Nisa? Pompan tu mesti ketawakan Nisa kan? Berhasil ke semuer nie? Zi tgk dier perangai mcm Zi, abih kalau dah same knape pilih die? Sedangkan Nisa kenal Zi lebih lame? Make sense? Zi will always be here for you ok. Ingat Zi janji? Selagi Nisa tak kahwin, selagi tulah Zi akan cuba. Sedikit rasa cinta pun tak lepas dari Nisa. I got gf, sayang dan cinta lain Nisa. Kenape kau susah sgt aku nk lupakan? Jage diri Nisa, I'll never change my number in case you need me. I love you Nisa. I'm sorry for everything."

Dear Idzzy,

I'm not sure where you are going with this, but didn't I told you I'm over you? Appreciate it that you apologize to my boyfriend for the shits you put us through last year. Well, apology accepted. Don't worry about me. Nisa never let boys take advantage off Nisa, I know my own limit. Don't think off comparing him and you, the both off you are totally different individual. Maybe what you said about him is true, maybe he did all those, well, I put myself in this situation then it's up to me to decide what's my next step, not you. You saw him with another girl? Like the other day you told me and I don't believe & found it out by myself, well that's my sense of satisfaction knowing I knew it not from anyone but myself, my point is, untill evidence are clear, untill the eye witness is me, well untill then, I won't believe neither soul.
Revenge? I'm done with revenge. Even if shit's do happen as you said it would, even if we do cheat on each other, even if in the end Hafiz & me decides to go seperate ways, I'm not seeking revenge. I'm a grown adult now, let HIM do the job, let HIM decide on how to punish he's soul, like how I walked away from you the last time, that's what I'll do to him. So am I seeking revenge now? I could have just walked away instead off wasting my time. Make sense?
Biarlah perempuan maner nak ketawakan Nisa ke nak kutuk Nisa ke, dosa dorang, dorang tanggung sendiri, dosa Nisa, Nisa tanggung sendiri.
Sorry to say this Idzzy, but you are standing alone. I'm neither here nor there. I'm sorry Idzzy. You take care....(':

breakeven

2011-04-26T08:41:00.003+08:00

"It takes a petrol and air to make a fire, for an engine to start. I'll be the petrol and ur the air ok?"

<3 <3 <3 <3

Caught up with work

Her best days will be some of your worst, she finally met a man that's going to put her first. Insyallah.
haha,the 3rd person who asked me this wee

Happy Birthday

2011-04-21T16:43:00.003+08:00

Dear Anne Diana Binte Abu Bakar,

Its been a long time since we had any forms of contact. I wonder how you are coping with life? Is things getting better on the other side?
How about work? Are you becoming a billionaire any sooner?
How's you family? Are they in their pink off health?
How's Deaglan? Getting married any sooner?
How's Everything?

5 years since I last known you. I learnt alot in our friendship. Treasure them, and will keep them for long. Maybe we bear grudges now, but let's not waste this friendship and look at the brighter side off life. From the day I knew you, the day you decides to scold me bodoh till the day you called me your bestfriend, till the day you stole my boyfriend, till the day we make up, till the day you slapped me hard, till the day you , till the day you brought me to the doctor at 2am, till the day you migrate, till today, I've never forgotten those days, till it has bloom to what I call it, friendship.
Maybe right now we are not the bestest friend off all, but babe, I've never forget you.

Well, I'm here praying things are on your side. Wishing you all the best and hoping it will get better as days goes by.

Happy 24th Birthday Anne Diana Binte Abu Bakar.
All the best for your future endeavour. Remember, when all else fail, suicide is the only answer. ehehe. I LOVE YOU BABE! (':

xoxo Nisa

Mundane...

2011-04-18T12:11:00.003+08:00

Just when you think you know people, they disappoint you in many ways you never thought they could. Well, whatever lah...all this just show such inmature act off a child you have. Go on talk about me, talk about how I talk, talk about how I look, talk about how I dress, talk about how I walk, talk about my life!, go ahead my dear, words can't bring me down. If you are happy critisicing my every move, than I'll be more than glad to brush it off and pretend you are just another idiot in my life, not worth my effort. ((: What are 'friends' for right?

The tears just fell.

Why did I look back?

Deleted. Every black & white details have been deleted. It's time to erase all memories & start afresh with him. Because if you truly love someone, you'll put aside foolish, pride and fear and love them without regret, without worry....

lingers...

2011-04-15T16:25:00.002+08:00

“Are you sure he loves you?”

“Err… meaning?”

“Are you sure he loves you? Solely you? Not thinking about anybody, well, you know who?”

“Err…I can’t be sure about my answer but I think he loves me. Why?”

“Ouh ok….”

“Tell me why!”

“I was thinking, how can you be sure?”

“Straight to point please babe”

“He said that before. You believe. He breaks your heart. Then he said it again. You believe. Then he breaks your heart”

“Huh? Said what?”

“Ahh….Bimbo ah you!”

“Ahhhh???….”

……………

For someone who “doesn’t give a damn”, you sure like bringing up the subject an awful lot.

Noor Hafiz Bin Abdul Aziz

2011-04-13T09:39:00.003+08:00

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive the car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Whatever happen to us, you'll always have a place in my heart, you meet someone unexpectedly & having no clue how much they'd mean to you in the future. How the path of 2 strangers crossed & how it has changed & affected your life so much. And how an accidental clash of worlds, was the most beautiful thing that could possibly ever happened to you? Well it has happened to me.

I promise you this Hafiz, no matter who enters your life, I'll love you more than any off them ((':

2011-04-11T11:42:00.002+08:00

Dear Iddzy

I needed to know that I meant something, anything to you. But what I got was nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it’s funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first, you feel as though it’s your fault. Feeling like nothing, so close to falling apart. And then, in time, you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong. That it’s his loss, that you are so much better without that one boy who didn’t ever care. I'm done with you, friends, let's just remain that way.

You live and you learn, that’s how it is

Dear Hafiz

What women should know: a man who truly loves you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is, and you proved that too me, everytime I almost gave up. But what a man should know: a woman who truly loves you will get angry at you for so many things but will still stick around

I really hope you've stop your nonsense. I really hope those arent empty promises. I really want to trust you, truly, badly, but..................................

xoxo Nisa

2011-03-18T08:58:00.003+08:00

Whatever that happened this few weeks was to overwhelming.
I coudn't believe I fell for you again and again only to know I was just something you like not love.
Remmembered telling you I hate what Idzzy did to me, and I hope you are different from him.
You told me you won't do it.
You lied.
Again & Again & Again.
I should have known it earlier that 'us' will never workout
But I still put on hopes thinking things will go my way.
Last year, I meant nothing at all to you?
I know its the past. But How could you be so mean to me?
That slut was right, that asshole was right, they were right, & I believe you soo much that I turn them off.
That sembawang incident, it should have just ended there.
She wasn't the only one. When you can't get me you resort into other different girls.
Baby you are such a great liar. The biggest one so far. You told me Nad was a bitch yet you met her, had dinner with her, the funny thing is you met her right after you send me off to the airport. )':
& when I came back you told me you've been a good boy.
You told me you've never met that Fatin girl before, but you've met her twice!
Last month?
What am to you?
I've stopped. long ago. All those secrets and lies? fuck you ):
I shoudn't have regretted all those shits I did to you, in fact I should have gone further.
Hate you Hafiz Hate you so much.
You won't understand what a woman feel.
What kind of excuse is that? "I'm so used to doing that to her, that's why we continue"
So, can I say, "I'm so used to getting heartbroken to and played on and used, that's why you were just continuing from where HE stopped?"

You don't know how it feels Hafiz. You won't know.

I turn to God. All this are meant to happen, because HE never makes mistakes.
:'(

2011-03-09T16:33:00.002+08:00

all I wanted was to be Love by the person I Love so much.
Noor Hafiz, I've never stop loving you, doubt I'll ever will.
It hurts you know?
:'(

Alot....

:'((

Trust

2011-02-23T16:53:00.003+08:00

Whats a relationship without trust?
Whats love without trust?
Whats true friendship without trust?

I Love Noor Hafiz. Heres to 11 months of Friendship, and 4 months of Love.

2011-02-05T09:31:00.003+08:00

Im sorry for that night, I go back to December all the time...

Imagine being in a relationship where all you did was lie to your partner, not knowing he/she is doing the same thing. And when the truth is out, you still want to each other accompany? Weird but true.

Hafiz & Me? Funny story.
Really Funny.
Yes we still do Love each other. But seriously the lie, have got to stop. What if, everything was a lie.
A perfect one.

Dejavu.
I can't sleep last night, thinking about it. Going back to 4 years ago. It's happening again.
Same storyline, different actor/actress but the main character is still the same person. ME.
Seriously GOD? You had to repeat this shit?
But maybe you just hit the rewind button so I can plan my moves closely this time and be sure off it.
((:

Patience...It will pay off. Insyallah.

haha

2011-01-06T15:48:00.002+08:00

Words can't describe the anger/sadness that is churning right now.

I love you. I'm not letting you go, because I still have hopes on you.
Stop your nonsense boy. Stop making me feel insecure. Stop your craps. Stop. Just Stop.

2010-12-16T10:58:00.002+08:00

So I'm back again going through lives with Hafiz.
And yes, best friends are shaking their heads, good friends, gave you a stare and strangers asked "what do you see in him?"

My answer's were simple.
I love him.
And I believe he needs time to fix himself, and while he's doing it, I thought I shall be there standing by he's side.

Yes, On and Off I will get hurt, no one's to be blame but myself.

How do I get through that woman's attitude?
Well, ignorance. That works. Young People, what do you expect.
Hearing what my friends and what his friends have to say about her, gave me more strength.

We all want to be loved and be happy. So why aren't we?
Because we've become experts at sabotaging our own happiness. :'(

I Love You. Don't Leave Me.

2010-12-03T15:19:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry, I Miss You :(

Trust, is like virginity, once you lose it, you can never gain it back.

2010-11-30T12:44:00.005+08:00

When your boyfriend's ex-girlfriends messages you, that he still loves her & they have been meeting,
What do you do?

I confronted him. I asked him.
And when it's true, I asked him what he want's in life? He wants a second chance?
why not? He's human, he makes mistakes, forgiving is the only thing I can do.

And when things are well, and your ex-boyfriend started giving problems?
What do you do?
I gave a time out with my boyfriend and settle things with my ex-boyfriend. And when things are settled, I work things out with my boyfriend.
But Have you ever thought what happen during that time out?
I questioned him.
And if he denies and says all the other girls are just friends and he's true to you.
Trust him, though how difficult it is.

And when thinks are back to normal, and Love is in the air, how do you react if your boyfriends ex-girlfriends send you a text in the middle of the night, saying they are still deeply in love with each other
and she needs him more than you needs him?
What do you do now?
Asked you boyfriend again?
Remember you already asked him numerous times?
I kept quiet.
I didn't know what to do now.

Coincidently, you boyfriends seems different, he waits for you to call him, he waits for you to message him and he no longer informs you where he's heading too, the next thing you know, you text him at 4am and he's at Marina South.
And your imagination started running wild.
How do you react now?
I kept quiet.
I didn't know what to do now.
I pretended to be ok.
I pretended not to care.
Not that I don't
Not cause of ego
You used to assure me commitments and trust.
Where have it gone to now?
It's 3pm now. Not a single Text/Call.
Maybe you're busy, maybe you're on MC, maybe you just don't bother anymore.
This time, I'm keeping quiet.
I've tried.
I'm not giving up just as yet.
But can you at least try?
That is if you Love me more than those womans :'((
It's complicated.

This Love is Eternity

2010-11-22T08:30:00.006+08:00

I haven't slept for 3 days?
This time, it hurts. Real Bad.
It's to early for me to give up.

I want to let it out!! Blogging Helps. So maybe only close friends knows my link, and maybe strangers, at least close friends understand me and strangers, unlikely will cross my path.

Md.Ridzzy Kamarudin:
I know life's tough for you. I want to give you another chance, but how too if my love for you has long gone. I can't possibly force myself to love you. At the end of the day who will suffer? I tried to understand your situation, I tried to help you, I tried to endure all the physical pain you put me into. I tried..But I just don't get it.
What is it that you want from me? What do I have that you keep holding on too me? I don't have the looks, neither do I have the body, I can never satisfy your sex needs, and financially I'm not rich at all. I've got nothing on me.
It's been a 8 months. Move on.
There are reasons why we broke up, why I let you go after 3 years. I woudn't want to be wasting my time with someone like you. No offence.
You're making my life miserable. You're making me lose the one I love. You are the reason I've to go through this shit right now! Why must you keep torturing me!? and Why do I stoop so low. Where's my dignity? My pride? I'm too weak.
Emotionally, Physically drained out.
Ya allah, kau tunjukkanlah kebenaran pada hamba mu ini ya allah, kau turunkanlah dier balak supaya dier sedar kesilapannya ya allah, sesungguhnya kau lah maha besar. amin. :'((

Noor.Hafiz Abdul Aziz:
I know this shit is effecting you. Mentally, emotionally. I think I know why you're doing this too me.
No. I've never fall for him eversince I knew you. Why would I lose the chance to be with someone better than him. I was affected, thinking you were still madly in love with your ex, that is why, I was still in contact with Idzzy, little did I expect him to still be emotionally attach to me.
You see, we are kinda like in the same boat. Her wanting you back, him wanting me back.
We just have to make the right decision. What is the past for, if not a lesson for us to learnt.
Now I'm losing you. I don't want too.
Neither do I want you to resort to violence.
I will fight for this love. But I need you to fight it with me.
It takes two hands to clap.
Yes, I get a little jealous over you and her, but I believe god is fair.
Now I've seen how true you were too me. I wish I can do something about it.
My hands are tied.
I wish Idzzy would just die a terrible death. I wish you were here with me right now. I miss you.
I miss those happy times we had together.
I miss those Tender Loving Care.
I miss your craps.
I miss you loving me.
I miss US.
We just have to be patience. Don't die on me boy, promise me you never give up on me.
I love you..
All I can do now is pray. :'((

2010-11-19T09:11:00.003+08:00

A full lie from a partner is enough to hurt,
A half truth from a friend is enough to keep you awake for most nights
and tear down the walls of actuality.
So Idzzy came.
The rest is like dejavu.
same old same old.
Shout.Beat.Left.
I'm afraid. Not at him but of what Hafiz might do to him.
Not that I care about him, but I'm afraid I might lose Hafiz.
You know the slashing case and everything. Thinking about it just gives me the creeps.
Idzzy, is capable of doing anything. 4 years, I've known him enough to know he's bad side.
:'(
Ya allah, kau lindungi lah orang orang yang ku sayang dari bencana manusia. amin.

Saying you love me, everytime you hit me, isn't going to make my feelings change for you...
hugging me everytime I tried to run away from you, isnt going to make me feel secure with you...
Saying sorry everytime I shed a tear, isn't going to make me give you a second chance...
So give it up. I have my own life, now go get yours.
Im done with you. Please Please Please Leave me alone.

:'(

2010-11-18T11:16:00.004+08:00

there are moments when i feel blessed to have you.
there are times when i feel confused.
there are times when others try to intervene.
but i trust in faith to take us wherever it might lead us to.
good or bad. happy or sad.
Maybe you don't love me like I love you, maybe you aren't serious in this relationship, maybe your feelings are still with HER.
Trust me
I'm not giving up on love.
I may have a 500 guy friends in my contacts, I may have 100 of them messaging me, I may have 20 of them meeting me often, I may have 10 of them as my ex boyfriend, I may have 3 of them still in love with me but one thing's for sure, you are irreplaceable.
I've love you, for a long time,
and i still do.
So
If one day you decides to give up then
You can leave me.
I'll still be happy knowing that I once had you in my life.

My weight's getting absurd!

2010-11-16T12:51:00.004+08:00

Everyone has their own reasons for keeping people away, an instinct to protect themself from getting hurt. Its part of human nature, for life only gets complicated when heart's involve.

I've learnt not to get paranoid over the little things. If he was sincere, at the end of the day, we'll get through it all. Insyallah.

TRUST. that's crucial.
I'm learning to trust him back again. Maybe because this time he's really trying hard, and maybe sounds a little more sincere?

Ex boyfriends suddenly msg-ed me, reminiscing about the past. Life is tough for him. An accident that broke he's back which forbids him from riding.
I'm sorry I can't be there for you through thick and thin, but hang on ok.
I'll pray for you. And yes, we'll meet up for dinner soon. Just like old times (:

Someone wise told me -Life is a roller coaster ride, hang on tight

2010-11-12T11:28:00.004+08:00

Im not coping well with work. Demanding. That's the word. But I'm trying my best.
Courses after courses, mistakes after mistakes, charts after charts, reports after reports.
Need I say more?
I still have alot to learn. and I'm really trying my very best, so colleagues, please be patient with me. Don't expect me to know the roots of everything. =)

Who say's I'm giving up on Love? I'm not giving up on love. I'm fighting my way through it. Especially when someone told me 'game on'.

and yes, I fall in love with this watch. its in PINK. faints*....

2010-11-06T10:09:00.005+08:00

:'(
People Change, even though it hurts to see them go, you have to move on, for the memories are all you have and things might never be the same again.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one waits forever. You'll never be happy if you don't stop looking back, if you can't let go of your past.

Its not even a month and things arent by my side.
Looking at you now, makes me feel sad. Partly because of what you did and partly because you're not mine anymore. Why do you have to pretend? Then again, doesnt mean he held your hand, he was going to hold on to you forever.

Yes, that woman was right. Karma.
She might be a bitch, she might be trying to set us up. But you did exactly what I thought you woudnt do. Exactly what she told me.Why?
No wonder you told me not to have any forms of contact with her, because you were up to something right?

Stop saying you are confused, stop saying you are lost. You brought this up to yourself, no one else did. All you've to do is be decisive, yes its not that simple, but you are not making any effort at all.

I don't need someone to PITY me. You could have told me you were not into me at all. You could have told me to stop. But no. You gave me hope. You played with my feelings. Most of all, you told me you love me, when you actually dont. You know whats more sad? Telling other people that you were going to leave me soon, that you dont love me like I love you, that you were in a relationship with me because you PITIED me.

Whats there to be pityful about?
I could have moved on before it all begin, but you kept coming back to me. You just wont stop. And I thought, why not give him a chance? I did. I fall for it. And you thought I was head over heels for you? I wasnt before but after all those TLC you gave me, how can I not fall for it?
Why can't man just stick to one? Why can't man stop lying and procastinating?
I stopped all contacts with them, but you?

I've beared that woman's attitude for a week. Not wanting to tell you, cause I thought if I told you, you will get in touched with her all over again, but truth is, you were in touched with all the time.

And when friends were against this relationship, I stood up for you but did you make the effort to stand up for yourself. Guess that explains it all. Guess you were really going to leave me soon. Guess I was right. All along I was the rebound. So why should I wait for you to leave me, might as well fast forward the process right?

I looked at you, I looked at Idzzy, nope, no difference at all.
You told me before, don't ever cheat you, don't ever did what Zakiyyah did to you. Well, Look who's talking. Aren't you exactly like her now? Aren't you? Wake up your idea! Then again, you and her might just be perfect together.

Yes, everybody deserves a second chance
I love you Noor Hafiz. I guess you are just one confuse little boy.
LOST.

2010-09-23T09:14:00.007+08:00

My life just turned tipsy turvy.
I kept messing around with the wrong man. It's like dejavu, same story, just different man.

With a bruised head, a cut hand and a limping leg, I walked away and hail a cab, Idzzy's voice cursing and screaming at me still lingers.
I had Hafiz and abg yan by my side.
Then Hady accompanied me all night.
I cried till dusk.
went to work with puffy eyes.
It was a frigging nightmare I wish I died from.

Never did trust them Man. Never will.

2010-09-21T17:00:00.003+08:00

Jerks, will always be Jerks.
I can't express the anger that's churning and burning inside of me.
But seriously this time, I'm leaving u for good.

I had enough..

2010-09-02T09:30:00.003+08:00

It's time you start looking for her, and stop looking for me. She meant alot to you.
How many times have we tried to remain as friends and set a limitations with each other? truth is, everytime we tried, we fail. everytime we fail, we gave up. everytime we gave up, we started doing unmeasurable things with each other. and everytime we did that, guilt fill us up. are you feeling me?

Life is about making the right decision and moving on. Take a second out to think about this, in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.

I should stop chasing, and start leaving. You should stop looking and start focusing.

So goodbye it is.

2010-08-26T17:03:00.002+08:00

...in the back of the car, on the way to your home, in the pourin rain, on the side of the road, in the light of the street, in the recline of the seat, you told me i should move on...

People change and forget to tell each other.

2010-07-15T16:51:00.002+08:00

Everything happen soooo fast.
Adapting to my surrounding and new people.
Maybe I made the wrong choice yet again...
haiz

2010-06-29T08:41:00.002+08:00

I'm definitely am just a stepping stone for you to get to the point where you can make your decision and be sure about it.
Welllll..it was a nice experience.
At least now I know how sincere you were.
Can't believe we had it. twice.
no comments=)

2010-06-21T20:09:00.003+08:00

had a great weekend=)

met with dear fiqah, watched 'Rewang nak tari' on Saturday night.

Met with Noor Hafiz Bin Abdul Aziz after that. Bumped into Alif Haikal.

Reached home at 3am, slept, woke up at 6am.

Spend my Sunday Watcing TV till 3pm.

Went out to watch 'She's out of the league' at Causeway with Muhammad bin Kassim.

Oh~ and in between I bought daddy a PINK shirt and 3 pairs of socks.

He love it! thank god=)

I dont know, I'm not pining any high hopes at anyone yet. They say, if you are still single, then feel free to mingle! =)

haha....

2010-06-19T09:33:00.002+08:00

Maybe I was just a stepping stone for you to get to that point in your life where you'd figure out what you wanted, or didn't want.

I know that you didn't mean it and I know that you think saying sorry will make it better, but that's not how the world works. It's an imperfect world and feelings just don't go away that fast. So either you never really loved me or you're just hiding it because you're scared. Well let me tell you, hiding something will get you nowhere and lying sure as hell won't make you happy so go ahead and leave me but in the end you will see your mistake and come back. But you know what? I won't be here.

So, here I am again. ending yet another pathetic excuse for a relationship. And it always seems one things is always the same about it. I'm always the one who walks away from it all. Away from the person who always said he'd never let me go. Well, once again, I'm walking away... And once again, no one is stopping me.

2010-06-15T21:36:00.004+08:00

2 days MC!

thinking of pursuing my degree part time, while working full time. Too much to handle perhaps?

I don't know.

hmmm....

still weighing all options...

Iphone 4G anyone?

but I still am in love with my Sony Pink. hmmm...

a waste of money perhaps?

hmmm....

Nombor satu and nombor dua, eh, kiter ader nombor 3 tau. Nak cukupkan empat tak?

haha...

gelojah sey budak ni..

k random.

overdose...zzzz

Meet my new boyfriend.

2010-06-11T10:57:00.003+08:00

Hello JUNE!

Father's day Coming.
Mummy's Birthday Coming.
GST Money Coming. Fyi, I'm not eligible. hmm...
GSS is making me go crazy!

Heading to IT fair this weekend.

Friend, running away is just going to make matters worst, whats more, running away from your family? Is it worth their blood and sweat bringing you up, to what you are now?
Think about it. Random....

2010-05-30T10:40:00.003+08:00

Brought my babies out for a hair cut yesterday. Met friends along the way.
Devastated by their words of rejection and unapproval of seeing me going out with people's boyfriend.
Surprise Surprise. Even my workmate, questioned me.
I thought nobody notice.
I was given hardcore, advises and lectures. Hit me right in the middle.
Whatever happen to me and Idzzy, wasn't suppose to repeat with hafiz.
3 years ago, this same thing happen. But I fought for it. See how it ended 3 years later?

It's not about the girl. It's not about the boy. It's about me. I should set a limitation to myself.
I should see myself in that woman's shoes.
But I didn't, for I thought, everything will go my way.
Off course it didn't happen.
Before, none of this strike me, why now? why so sudden? why do friends I seldom talked to, brought up this issue?
Macam question mark all over kan?

But it's better now, rather than later.
Get this thing off my shoulder for better or for worst, once and for all.
And I did.
I slept on it.
Thought it over.
Even if we can still be friends, I don't want. Why? Because, that's what exactly happen to me and Idzzy. Remember?
I created all this mess. And I'm not blaming anybody. I'm blaming myself.
It's going to hurt like crap. and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.
=)

2010-05-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

I FEEL LIKE SHIT.=)

2010-05-21T20:04:00.005+08:00

I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy. I'm going to laugh so you don't see me cry. I'm going to let you go in style. and even if it's kills me- I'm still going to smile.

2010-05-16T22:44:00.006+08:00

2 days ago.
Thank You for remembering. I wish you all the best too. Though I didn't reply to your ever so sweet msg-es, just so you know, I was expecting you to wish me. And when you did, I'm glad we didn't bear anymore grudges between us.
I've moved on. Why reminisce about the past?
The only memories I remembered about us, are the beautiful memories we had back then. Those were the days when my world evolved around yours and your world evolved around many. OOPs!
Whatever it is, be gone for good babeh=)

And what's suppose to be the weekend I looked forward to, ended up to be the weekend I wished would end quickly.
I've put aside my differences when I'm with you. Moreover, I've put aside everything else, when I'm with you. I've told myself to persevere. Let Nature takes its course.
Now everything is crystal clear. She wants you back. You are thinking twice about it.
And right now, my presence is redundant.
we're pretty much done I guess, I'm practically over everything. Perhaps soon enough. Total awkward moments.
I'm not gonna take in hope, for that can just fark away.
It's not a need anyway. Right?
Right?

Right?
=(

2010-05-11T20:32:00.004+08:00

When it comes to the point where you have to make vital decisions pertaining to your happiness and your future, that's when, no one will be there, to help you or to at least be by your side when you make that final call.

This is life. This is Love.

All love is probationary. A fact that frightens women and exhilarates man. True enough. But no one knows you better that you do.

Yes boy I do have feelings for you. But I'm not sure whether truth is all you speak, or lies are written all over you. I'm not done with him, Now I've to deal with you. Too much for me to handle?

Fact is she still wants you back, truth is you still like her. And the thing is, maybe Im a third party?
I just dont have the guts to ask you.

Where did my guts go?

Why do I stoop so low?

What am I afraid off?

Maybe I dont want to lose anymore. I need to build up my self esteem, my confidence and my pride back, because it all ran away when we were done.

haiz.

2010-05-09T23:45:00.002+08:00

KELAHIRAN BAGIKU ISTIMEWA, KU BERSYUKUR PADAMU BONDA.

2010-04-29T21:01:00.003+08:00

I'm always second best. Can I be your first choice for once?
"Sister" gave me a rest day tomorrow. Carrot caking with bestie. Maybe meeting Hafiz.
I was told by my fellow nurses, that man who cleans your shit, is the man you want to as a husband. Literally.
hmm..
so wanna clean my shit?

2010-04-25T18:49:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the long awaited post. haha.
Got my full time Job at TTSH. I am the youngest senior PSA of all. Baby, am I so freaking nervous on my first day. But hey, my colleagues are all helpful and friendly bunch. Boy was I relief. It was tough at first, very very very tough.
Funny thing is I'm using SAP! you hear me? SAP! Mr AngKK, aren't I thankful I paid attention during class. Thank you!
I'm starting to love my job, and payday of course=)

But, things had taken a toll, and its been pretty much downside for all of us, even friends. Hoping for a brighter one ahead. The best thing is to keep my family and friends close. I need a breather of fresh air soon. and Something new, excitement that is.

I miss you my friend. My bestfriend. We used to meet every week, be it rain or shine. We're still keeping it that way, but till when? God knows. Just last Tuesday, we managed to catch up with each other from 9pm to 10pm. That's enough for the whole week.=)
Lets hope this bond we have, will never break. Me Hearts You babe.
Abg is off to Hong Kong for 4 days. and the day before he went off, he actually send me to work. Awww.=) Take there brother. Me Lup you!

Monday is tmr. Tmr is Monday. Friday off, Saturday off. Yea yea!

aku wanita biasa...

2010-04-11T22:28:00.004+08:00

Some people just can't relate well.
and then i tried, i failed..i cant cheat this feeling
just confusing enuff, i wake up finding you
why make things so complicated?

i feel the emptiness inside. yes, definitely needs to be occupied
the more i seek, the more the space closes, for i keep running back to you..
i just melted the moment u said those words
too much into you
still.
help?

but then again, fcuk you fcuk you fcuk you
betrayed my trust, pretentious idiot
its over.

Leave me alone. Please. Be happy and get a new woman. Please? At least, I can move on knowing you belong to somebody else. Please? Please? Please?
Stop reminding me why I hold on to you for 3 years, and why let go now?
Everything doesn't have to have a reason. Does it?
So please please please, walk by me with a new woman, kiss her in front of me, and say those 3 words to her, so that I can move on with life. Please. Yes, I'm weird. But I just need a confirmation of the whole thing ok. So please.

may the new journey for me break open new doors, full of suprises and not a treasure of hidden lies
insyallah...

2010-04-10T17:30:00.004+08:00

hello. I'm just frustrated off this whole money issue.
Don't know how unwanted parties tried to back him upp!
You know what mr muhammad bin salleh,my friends told me you are nothing but full of yourself.
and I think I just had enough of everything. You can forget about paying back my $400 plus plus, just mind your own business and don't let me see you ever again ok.
But hey, that money, I tak akan halalkan, because you lied to me!
I believe I've made my stand here.

I could have been the best damn thing that ever happen to you, you just blew your chances man, you just blew every piece of it away=)

bubbye!

2010-04-01T10:00:00.002+08:00

hello,
I've rejected Iman's offer.=)
I've an interview at Tan Tock Seng today, wish me all the best.
Really3x want a government related job.
And since I will be starting a full time job soon (insyallah) I've to start looking for a tutor who can replace me.
Anyone keen on teaching Primary 5 and Secondary 1 kids?
Subjects will be Maths and Malay. This kids are christians, staying at Marymount.
3 times a week, 2 hours each. Primary 5 will be 15 dollars per hour, while secondary 1 will be 23 dollars per hour.
My highest pay so far is 900 dollars, which is during exam period. You must be committed, reliable, and prepared to come 5 times a week or spend 4 hours a day.
Interested mail me at ct_nisa@hotmail.com.
Off course, mail me your results to=)

cold shoulder

2010-03-28T12:45:00.003+08:00

Sunday!

Kakak will be back tonight! which means, many many souvenirs from Bandung!

So my initial plan for the coming years is to concentrate on my career path. Study path can wait maybe 2 to 3 years to come.
But, I was given the chance to study and work at the same time, sponsored and I'll be paid monthly.
Now that's a great offer. But bonded for 3 years? Should I? What If, I regret and a better job offer comes into picture?
I love kids. I love teaching. and this job is as a teacher, teaching 4 to 6 years old kids! yes Kindergaten!? how?!
I want this, but the bond is bothering me.
at times like this, I wish somebody can make the decision for me.
haix.

2010-03-25T20:03:00.002+08:00

Separuh Jiwa ku pergi.=(

Hey, there comes a point whereby you forget his flaws and only looked at his perfection.
Not every part of a relationship is about booboo.
At least 51% of it is happiness, great memories and pure love.
No, I'm just reminiscing. Wouldn't it be nice if we were still friends?

I admit, I am jealous seeing couples around me.
But hey, when the right time comes, it will come.
Just so you know, I miss the YOU i thought you were.

Al-fatehah to my uncle whom I use to call 'Baba'.

Bon Voyage to my Sister who is off to Bandung for 4 days. Your room is now mine=)

2010-03-23T20:20:00.002+08:00

Terimalah saja kenyataan, aku masih terkilan.

2010-03-16T19:27:00.002+08:00

Hello
Sayer macam nak makan nasi minyak, ader tak saper saper yang nak mendirikan rumah tangga? Jangan lah lupa menjemput sayer disini yer. Sayer menunggu kad jemputan anda.
Seriously=)

Busy busy busy week. n I need a full time job ASAP.
But, I'm thinking of SIM and NUS. How?!!!???
Haiya, confuse lah dey.

bye!

Things happen to you, and sometimes you don't realize why it happened until much later. But eventually it all makes sense...

2010-03-06T22:31:00.001+08:00

It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you.

Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.I know.
But Lets face it, I'm kinda confuse, is this regret-ion? or Moving on? or what?
Suddenly letting him go seems like a mistake.

I had the weirdest dream off all today. I was working at resort world sentosa, he was there with his girlfriend as a visitor. I saw him, I cried and hug him, I said sorry, he gave me a ring and asked me to marry him. That woman, was then placed in IMH days after, as crazy as it may sound to you but, I woke up smiling and, the whole day, these stupid dream was all I thought about. -_-

Diana told me I'm paranoid. The previous 3 boyfriend I had are suckish. Hows that? How could I even trust a guy nowadays. Maybe that's why, I left him, maybe I thought, hey, shits happen before he came, and I can jolly well survive when he's not around, what makes me think that he's presence will make any difference. See how shallow minded I am? But it's true. I don't find a relationship quite relevant for right now.

Whatever God has in-store for me, I will accept it. If by chance my heart is open again for him, and he was ready to accept me the bitch once again, then I will laugh thinking how fickle minded I am at the end of the day.

But If by chance I found a better man, then I will smile and say everything happens for a reason, and I'm glad it happen.

=)

finally

2010-03-04T16:56:00.001+08:00

went for my monthly hair treatment, which I skipped for 2 months because of work, family and other commitments.
Had my threading done.
Had my facial done.
Rupinis gives you awesome customer service and satisfaction=)

It's March already. scary kan!Work is tiring.
Sometimes I have to report at 7 am rushed for 1 hour and 45 mins. Kids.and since I'm free at night, I've been catching up with alot of people, just having dinner, exchanging ideas, sharing problems, you know, widening my circle of friends.

I even tried to fit in with my fellow seniors who are now NSmens. I say I quite did a great job=)back on track with life that's what I thought.At least now I know what's happening between friends and best friends.
Don't worry, this time Ill choose wisely and try not to make any hasty decision myself, because the last time I did, I realize I missed alot in life but, hey no one's perfect, I've made a mistake, but I can always learn from them.
It takes time to get myself back up but am doing alright i guessits not a need anyway=)

Enough with this whole YOU BROKE UP? WHAT HAPPEN thing, you aren't concern you're just KEPO.You find him hot? Handsome? Good Looking? Then fcking take him for all I care he's not mine.I just want someone who will not lie 4 times a month and of course, caring, reliable, committed, trustworthy and all those good things.
But most of all, those who will never lie to make himself look better. Because those people are just so full of themselves. I couldn't emphasize more on that. Lying is not cool. Not cool at all=)

oh did I say I met Shanel Sherriyana recently? hell yeah! we had lunch with abg Yan first than we head to town.Had ice cream. I love her. The next day, I was 39 degrees Celsius in temperature.Luckily its a Sunday.Hazwan told me to call the plumber because my nose was leaking.

You know who I want to meet next? Shawn Shayrhyzan.I miss anak-anak yan already.

If only you knew.

2010-03-03T18:01:00.003+08:00

its been awhile huh. I've tried to post a few blog post, but my computer kept hanging.
I seriously need a new notebook. abg yan? heh.was reading all the post back then when i was in a relationship with him.it was immense. what make me change?
god knows.
people change.
that's the fact.
But i think my change was too "mendadak"? One minute i was deeply in love with him, the next minute, I kinda am annoyed with is presence in my life.Is that a normal feeling?Or do I have commitment phobia?Am I paranoid about something?He's a good guy.
A good guy who tells lies, to make him look better.All those can be amend, but why am I letting him go?Is it because I don't even want to try to change him? Or had I enough with this kind of guy? Maybe he's not the one.

That, I can't answer. We humans plan, but HE is the one who make things happen.And if this is meant to happen, and that me and him is meant to be separated, maybe that's a good thing. Because he don't deserve a woman like me, no matter how much i deny I deserve someone like him.
But you can't force love.You can't force me to love him. I know its hard for you. It came soo sudden. I came back from Malaysia, I asked for breakup. To think about it, I'm glad I did.

My life has much more freedom and independence now. I can communicate with anyone of any gender, any race, any age , without you watching me from behind, and me feeling guilty about it.

I understand your situation right now. Pissed. Mad. Angry. I expected you to say FUCK YOU to me. That is Your favorite curse word.Maybe its a chant for you right now, that when you waked up every morning, you'll say FUCK YOU NISA.

I'm ready for anything. I've thought about the consequences, the aftermath, what your friends will say, but I'm decisive, I'm a big girl, I'm wiser and I think letting you go was never a mistake, instead its an opportunity that opens a lot of doors for me.
My life is much better now. To hell with relationship. To hell with Love.
For I only Love my family and of course my creator the almighty I've yet to find the right one. Hey I'm 20. I'm still young.
It doesn't matter.
What matters now, is everybody I love and need is by my side all the time.
Families, Best Friends, Friends and Shanel Sherriyana.
How could I even ask for more?
I'm just blessed.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm not even sure if this post is relevant or not.

Anyway, for that 3 years, 1 month and 6 days, you made my life better. Thank you for waiting, thank you loving, thank you for caring, thank you for giving, thank you for everything. and Thank you for not over reacting when I told you I don't love you anymore.Good Luck in finding that one special person, who will give you happiness all your life. Maybe you'll be a better boyfriend if you weren't too temperamental and overprotective on a certain situation.
Just an advise. Well, what am I saying, you never did take my advises seriously=)

PS: It was the best anniversary celebration I've ever had with a Boyfriend. and of course it was the best Valentines ever. That , you have to keep up when you have another girlfriend.

and I dedicate this post to the boyfriend=)

2010-02-12T11:04:00.002+08:00

At times, I know I've been rude to you, I've hurt your feelings, I did not react the way you wanted me to. I called you names.I hung up the phone. I ignored your msgs/calls. andI know you are trying your best to take good care of me.To the extend that sometimes you got so mad at me and let your feelings out straight into my face but yet, I still din catch anything and walk away like nothing happen. Not literally but yeah, some sort.

You've been tolerating with my nonsense, my blur-ness, my selenger-ness all this while. No other guys have ever done that. I told you to leave me, but you stayed on. I told you I want to change,but you told me there's other choices. I told you I've given up, you told me to be decisive. You always express love to me. But I failed to do the same thing. Not that I intend to but at times,I feel that I don't deserve you and that you deserve someone better.Both of us have bad past, but my past is still hunting me.

You had to bear with insecurities thinking that I'm doing something crazy behind your back, but still turn to me and said you are sorry and you love me.and you will think that after all that, I don't love you like you love me, I don't miss you, Like you miss me and I don't appreciate you like how you appreciate me. You thought wrong.sometimes, I get pissed of with the fact that I can't do most of the things I always do before we were together.Sometimes, I felt tight around you, and at times, I just felt breath-less.

But after alot of thoughts and configuration, I've realized, one way or another, you've changed me.to become a better person at least.Which of course no one have tried.and for that, I thank HIM for everything.After we broke up 4 months ago, I thought you and me will never become US.Maybe we were meant to fight that night on 020110(yes I remmembered)Maybe the accident was a blessing. Maybe the Coma came in just in time.Maybe the bestfriend coincidently added you.It doesnt matter. What matters is, I ended up with you.

People always say, if only they can turn back time, I rather not. To me if only I could slow down time when I'm with you. B,God knows how blessed I am when I'm with you.Shits happens true. But whats a relationship without it right? Frankly, friends say I wont pull through this relationship. Unhappy.Mad.Pissed.Some even left.try, I cannot deny that love can exist, that miles do not cross within a person's heartThere are many things that I regret ... the greatest is that we didn't meet sooner

But I thank HIM we did meet. No matter what happens, just know that I really do love you and, Dear, I wish you were here with me.

Post

2010-02-08T21:03:00.001+08:00

officially 4 days left.Seriously sey, what's next? Was planning on applying for SPF.
Still analyzing.You know how much I want to go to Tokyo, I think, I'm giving it a pass. Parents are okay with me going, but boyfriend is making a big fuss out of it.
Yea, he's my boyfriend not my husband. But It's complicated.I guess, true love means sacrificing your happiness for the one you love.haix.

On a lighter note, a great long weekend is on its way. Can't freaking wait.and we are officially a month together on the 14th. Sweet kan. I know. How the hell did I persevere? People change, what can I say.

I love you Muhammad!

Post

2010-02-02T11:19:00.001+08:00

Well this isn’t about picking the wrong one. It’s about finding the right one.
Its not just with a quixotic idea of a relationship but a real person in all his flawed perfection. He’s not perfect, neither am I.
But the good thing is we don’t have to keep up a front to be loved and accepted.
Instead, we just have to be our ugly selves without having to worry about the image we create.
He can see himself with me when I’m at my worst.so do I when he is, and would still look at me as though I’m wonderful through it all.Yes we argue.

Yes we reminisce about the past. Yes the ex-es suddenly appears. But then again, Yes, we still turn back to each other and express Love all over again.For thatIt’s true that reality is not as brilliant as fairy-tales but it has its fair share of happy endings.And those little fragments of our puzzle, it’s a picture perfect altogether. need I say more?

oh, I know I have overdue pictures in my camera, waiting to be uploaded. From the engagement to the botanical gardens, and yesterday's ramen ten dinner. Bear with me people, I'll try to upload them during the weekend.

And did I mention I officially am left with 8 working days in OCBC?What's next?I've no freaking idea.I have the intention to further my studies but financially, I think I might just find a full time job. Daddy wants to retire and so does mummy.
Probably, it's time for me to repay their blood and sweat raising me up.
What say you?
I say go for it.But what job?
Time will tell.
Till then, have a great week ahead people.

Post

2010-01-28T14:04:00.001+08:00

I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go.Everytime I hear someone say those words "it cannot last" it makes me soo mad.

Through the days I worry, through the days I tremble, but no matter how much I try, I cannot deny that love can exist, that miles do not cross within a person's heart. they have to believe something unimaginable can be possible. If you are not a believer, then your dreams can be nothing but dust but if you believe they can be real.

Here's to 14 days of Peace and Love boyfie=)

Post

2010-01-27T11:30:00.001+08:00

So there's alot of work that need to be completed. But I'm taking a breather from all that and decides on a short post.Dear NYP, I really hope and wish that my request to go to Tokyo will be approve. What more does a graduating cohort need, a distress to Tokyo will just be a perfect plan. So please please make this little girl wish come true=)

On a lighter note.Boyfriend IPhone was stolen in front of OCBC.and it was my friend's boyfriend who stole it. Nobody got hurt. But it was a freaking spine chilling, scary night.Ever since, me and him were working things out between us.

Love has never been any better. To the point that we're facing separation anxiety. Every night, we had to meet, no matter what it takes. Love is tiring. But then again, Love is beautiful.ok crap.He is kental. But he's my kental.

I miss the girlfriends.Friday come faster!toodles!

Post

2010-01-25T18:23:00.001+08:00

Waiting for him to pick me up from work. So maybe just a short post.To all my friends who are currently broken hearted, there's more to life.Everything happens for a reason. To me, when there's lack of patience, there's lack of love.and Just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want them to,that doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they've got.

Because with him, I have heaps of reasons to smile and won't look far for one.I Love you with all my heart. and I actually went to a "dangdut" club with him-_-Mahligai manis.
I was there to watch his band perform. Though how awkward I felt, the company was awesome rock makchicks.
I can't get enough of him and us.=)

2010-01-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

It's sad when people you know, become people you knew,
when you walked right pass someone like they were never a big part of your life,
how you used to be able to talk to them for hours and how now you can barely even look at them.
It's sad how times change. How you change. How I change. and then, How you change again.
Will you ever learn?
No one knows.
Pretentious Idiot.

It's a wednesday night, just came back from Fara Hana's house, visiting baby Shakira.
"ya allah, macam nak tumbuk2"
Sleeping over Radhiah's house tonight.
I'm tired of being adult.
I want to be pampered like a little girl again.

2010-01-04T22:32:00.002+08:00

I finally remembered blogger's password.
and there's nothing wrong with my laptop after all. Stupid charger.

2009 finally came to an end.
How did I celebrated the end of 2009?
By running away from Md.Ridzzy.
cause at the end of the day
what makes me more happy
is when I wake up to see myself
still breathing for a new year

It has been a rough start for me this 2010.
If there's one thing I wish to happen NOW, is to bring daddy to the doctor to refill his medicine.
Daddy's are stubborn than their own daughter.
No doubt he will give me whatever I want, spoilt brat lah katerkan, but if there's one thing he'll never give in to me is the word DOCTOR.
Because to him, doctor's are liars.
And he had enough of medicine.

I miss my good old friends.

2009-12-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

Quick update. I went on a short holiday trip with mummy and sissy. It was fabulous. You ca, never go broke if you have your mummy around and especially when daddy gave you a lump sum of money to enjoy youself. Then kak sam finally delivered a baby girl! Nur shakira aqilah. Congrats! And today I went shopping with mummy around singapore. Ok abg yan just gave me bonus! Wee. I really have got to go now, I'm using abg's blackberry to update me blog. Take care people and happy holidays!

2009-12-20T14:08:00.005+08:00

It's Sunday again.
And it's officially 1 month since I've been in OCBC.
My Liaison Officer came on Friday.
He surveyed my workstation, talked to my officer In-Charge.
And boy was I glad when he left.
Too Many question, too many advise but I appreciate it though.

After work On Friday, I went out with the usuals.
At least that was the actual plan, but it ended up with me and cess.
It's fine with us.
SHOPPING again. We went around town.
Saw elvis presley's wannabe.
I bought shirts and heels again from New Look.
Cess bought heels and shirts too.
Mummy told me I'm obsessed...I LOVE MY FRIDAY=)
and seriously Singapore is making me bankrupt.

I love my zebra prints handbag. I think it's SEXY=X
Then Saturday came.
Woke up at 12pm, the same thing. Nobody is at home-_-.
Played dressed up for Ieza's engagement.
Mamat, picked me up at 3.30pm and we head off to AMK.
Ieza was all beautifully dressed up and ready to flaunt the camera.
Here's something stupid, I brought a camera, but I din take pictures of us.
Madun told me, my ex-boyfriend is now a wanted man and my ex-manager is a pervert.
Yes literally.
How stupid can one be.
And Wan Hassan, he ditched us.
Basketball betul.
If only everyone came yesterday, it'll be a great catching up session for USPH! hmm.
After the whole engagement ceremony, Mamat and me had dinner at Jurong's Teh Tarik.
I'm so going there again.=)

Mamat a.k.a Wak Kang (inside joke haha)

And today is Sunday.
Feeling Pretty Shagged out.
Loving the mood now.
Too tired to strike a converstaion with anyone.
Reply text messages.
It's good to be alone.
It always do.

keh bai!

2009-12-13T17:15:00.002+08:00

good morning sunshine
wow been awhile im all awake
at this lovely hour on a sunday

feeling way better now,
from what? No idea. Oh yar. Yesterday shopping was ass-kicking. Hell yeah.
I got to know Diana's lovedrug, his name is Deaglan, he's an Irish. Hot!
Mummy freaked out when I came back with 4 shopping bags. But I din spend that much, I'm saving because I will only be getting my last month & this month pay on January the 15th. Thanks to some selfish brat.
So the next time you see me shopping again will be 2010.
Oh and we watched Zombie-Land. Recommended for 14 years and below. It was abit to simple and kiddish for me. hah.

I don't understand one thing about my family. Whenever I woke up be it on a weekday or weekend, nobody is ever at home. Well most of the time. I cooked grill cheese tuna sandwich for brunch. Then I went down to open the letterbox. Junkmails. On the TV. Junkshows. Messaged sisie to buy we donut since she's at Malaysia. Called daddy to buy Maggi after work. Mummy just called to say she went to the market in the morning, and when she came back, I'm still sleeping, so she went ahead to her cousin's wedding with my auntie and it's 5pm already, she's not bad yet. I'm so bored right now. I can die!
I don't want to go out on a Sunday. I actually reserved this day to go out with Mummy, but she already had plans. Haiya. I think housework will keep me occupied. Enough blabbering already Nisa. I don't feel like bathing on a Sunday. haha. I slept all day, I can't possibly stink right? Saving Gaiya=)
I guess it's a lengthy post, enough to bore me.

kiss kiss people!

keh bai

PS: I miss KESHADIYADONNA. how's that!=(

2009-12-11T23:02:00.002+08:00

I've to work on a saturday. How's that? Do I have a life or what?
Sorry mummy. I promised her to go Malaysia. Sunday ok if not working.
I was praised at work. Not a big deal to you. But a BIG deal to me.

Sale everywhere. Abah promised to bring me out shopping during his off day. But he ended up shopping alone because I was working. The opportunities I missed out since I started working was heart wrenching. Still, I'm going SHOPPING tomorrow night with my best girls! Waani is going to bring her hubby, Diana is going to bring her boyfie. ME, MYSELF and I. Good think I can kamcheng with all haha.

Ohh, remember I told you that there's a guy who's interested in me yadayadayada, waaaaaaay back then. But I was attached and everything. I think this guy needs a wake up call for himself. He know's a girl for a day, attached. 2 days later. Broke up. A couple of weeks later got a new girlfriend, broke up in less than 3 days and the cycle never ends. If he was 18 I would have understood what he'ss going through, but he's what? 23? and he's not ashamed of it. He change is relationship status in facebook at least once a month, it even have a specific name to it's relationship. What's wrong with you people? No offense to him though. How gullible humans are sometimes.

I'm saving up like shit. I'm 19 and doesn't have a thousand in my bank, then something must be wrong with me. Those 600 pay per month I get since I was 16, where has it gone to? Spendthrift. Mummy said I need a counselor for that. haha.

I'm still pissed off by the fact that I won't get my pay this month. Very pissed off. Bread and butter till January 15th?
mampos...

keh bai.
I've work tomorrow remember? Yes it's a Saturday but i still have to work!

2009-12-06T22:23:00.004+08:00

Brilliant!=)

2009-12-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

omg, can all the boys please stop flirting around!!?
At least don't do it the obvious way lah!
We're brought up with Information Technology all over us, easy navigation that is. And with a click of the mouse, I already know your network of girlfriends, what you communicate and how you flirt with them using the same tactic you used on me!?!!!???
and you still dare to say, I have other man in mind after all this 3 freaking years?
wake up your idea lah!
sheesh...

"hai all 4 off you look gorgeous"
"seriously, I keep staring at your picture after so long"
"do you think I have the opportunity to go out with all this 4 gorgeous ladies?"
"I'm serious;D"

what the fark is that suppose to mean?
omg...though we broke up like weeks ago, stilllll, I'm in shocked on how he played on me without me knowing all this while. Damn it!

and after all this weeks, you suddenly messaged me saying you miss me and everything. But you turn 360 degrees, and in the end it's money you want from me.
Where's you manners? Suruh Campak 160 lagi, CAMPAK!!???
alamak, naik peng ah aku!

sheesh.

STMF. if you know what I mean

keh bai!

2009-12-03T22:32:00.002+08:00

I guess I won't be getting my pay this month.
Because I forget that the last submission was today at 5.30pm.
And by the time I realized it was already 6.30pm. Such unhelpful colleagues I have.
And OCBC is robbing my life. Yes Literally.
So many work, piling on my desktop. One after another.
oh well, at least something to do rather than nothing.

what a way to start December.

and if relationship means having sex and me giving you money, than I'm sorry, I don't think I can commit to that. so fuck off.

My lunch break this week is never alone and I'm happy=)
Thank you all for taking the time to accompany me. haha.

Ohh, did I say I made a fool out of myself during the meeting. Again, they had to choose me to attend the meeting, and not the other girl. Sheesh, I was a laughing stock! I shall not elaborate further.

Guess what TGIF! I need to be pampered like a little girl again. heh=)

keh bai!

2009-11-29T11:15:00.004+08:00

you may not be my first, my last, or my only.
I loved before, i may love again.
But if I loves you now, what else matters?
I'm not perfect-you aren't either, and the two of us may never be perfect together
but if I can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, then hold onto me and give me the most you can. I may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but I'll give you a part of me that I knows you can break-my heart. So don't analyze and don't expect more than I can give.
Smile when I make you happy, let me know when I make you mad, and miss me when I'm not there.

Tired. I've alot of work that is left undone this week and I swear it's going to be me against time next week. I'm transferred to Tampines. How bout that?
Tuesday went to school after work, get that PowerPoint done, till about 12 am.
Wednesday same thing, but this time we stayed till about 2 am while some till 5am.
Thursday took half day leave since the presentation is at 9am. With bloodshot eyes and aching body, non of us presented well, we were lucky this was only a trial run.
Friday, when barbecue shopping with boyfriend.
Saturday celebrated Kesha's birthday at Pasir ris park pit 61.

Today, yes a SUNDAY, I'm going back to school to practice practice and practice.
Tommorow took half day off in the afternoon, will be going to selegate road for our Final Presentation. OMG its nerve wrecking. Wish us luck people.

Boyfriend already made a bad impression of himself in-front of my classmate. haiz=(

Off to meet Diya at banquet before we head of to school. haiz.

keh bai!

2009-11-21T21:04:00.003+08:00

QUALIFIED TO THE FINALS.
AND YES OUR TEAM AS WELL AS TEAM 2 IS AIMING FOR TOP 3 PRIZES. MAYBE 1.5K OR 3K, EVEN BETTER, 6K.
SO WISH US & TEAM 2 LUCK!
GO TEAM SPECTRUM.

2009-11-18T21:02:00.006+08:00

Final Year Presentation is OVER.
Alhamdulilah.
IPP Postings are out.
I'll be working at OCBC located at Raffles starting from next Monday onwards. Not that happy with what I get, but I'm looking forward to the pay.=)

I've made up my mind.
And yerp, things are over between us. Confirm Plus Chop.
He passed the limit the minute he slap me in front of some lecturers.
That's when I told myself, why am I still here?
Some things just can't be forced.
I do not like a place full of lies and uncertain circumstances.
I need to feel secure
A wiser me suddenly jumps out. =)
Too hard to let go, still....I have to.
I know right. It took you so damn long lah Nisa!

I want to go shopping. SALE everywhere. Shoes. Shoes. More shoes and then Clothes.
Ajak Mummy, she always penat haiya.
Ajak Friends, they always complain my schedule tight and lazy want to go out at night.
Ajak Siblings, ask to belanja this lah that lah.
Ajak myself lagi bagus ah!

In a better mood today! yea! Want to know why?
It's because of this people!

Going to miss working with them.
Keep in touch, people of L340!

keh bai.

2009-11-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

i just dont understand why you have to be this way but i just cant bring myself to talk to you.
though i wish we could talk things out, i just feel ashamed for what you did.
i cared for you, too much that it hurts

i wish i could hold you just like beforebut i have no more respect for you
i ____ u

2009-11-13T10:05:00.003+08:00

Friday the 13th.

Tired.Cold.Sleepy.

I had my daily dosage of milo and boyfriend bought bread for me.

Alot of things happen in our relationship.

Misunderstanding, 3rd parties, MIA and the list continues.

and the worst part, was not able to meet each other for weeks.

Petty to you, but important to us.

Then we realised. Communication is the cause.

We kept fighting because we seldom share problems or were reluctant to do so.

Now that's where trust comes into the picture.

When people asked us how long have we known each other, we replied not long enough, 3 years maybe a long time, but I'm still starting to know and understand him.

Along the way, alot of mishaps happens, alot of break-ups, but we still make up.

I bitch about him when we argue about the slightest mistakes. That's normal.

When people are angry, they tend to do/say the darndest thing. They tend to make promises that were to extreme. You can't blame me/him.

I remembered the other time when I was staring blankly, and he got pissed of and thought I was looking at other guys. We broke up. Really. Then when we look back, we laugh about it, how silly we were, how sensitive we were.

Every pair have their own way of loving each other, mine might not be the most romantic one, but I treasure every single minute you were with me including our silly arguments.

To me, it's a lesson I learnt, It's the steps I took to get to know you better, from a different angle.

Friends are vital to. They are the ones who help us get through this soar relationship we had.

Good friends to be specific.

My parent's might not be aggreable to our relationship, but patience is a virtue.

It will take a long time for them to gain back my trust, but I'll wait no matter how long it will take.

He on the other hand is making a comeback.

Getting used to his new job. Overcoming the family stress. Trying his best in becoming a good boyfriend to me. And saving up=)

There are still alot of things we don't know about each other, we are still learning, understanding and putting good use to every single minute we have.

I'm inspired by my brother's relationship. I don't know how they perservere, but if they can do it, then so can me.

I mean, if we are not meant to be with each other, why are we still in love with each other after all that has happen?

But things could make a twist of turn, till then, I'm going on with the flow and trying my best to keep us together.

oh yar, But we're definitely not as happy/close as we used to.

We haven't met since the 3rd of November. Yes I counted. Because it was the worst day of my life. haha.

I love you bie=)

oops din know i was so long winded-macam mak nenek